8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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