dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
