in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
