I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
