I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
