They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
