youre lurking in front of me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
