She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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