One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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