Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
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You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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