I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
