WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
