People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
