we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
