i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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