Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
