I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
