Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
