but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
