I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
