I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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