You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
