Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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