I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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