I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
