ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
