I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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