Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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