writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
