I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
