fuck your aforementioned shoe
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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