All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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