How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
