I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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