He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
