Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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