sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
