Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
