I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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