She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
