I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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