Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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