Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
