Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
