You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
