party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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