My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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