Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
