Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
