I'm jealous of your bromance
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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