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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  oh good, I think they're gone

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the painters?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my herpes

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• (210): View more from Texas

  life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.

  (210): View more from Texas

  i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem

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• (281): View more from Texas

  NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid

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• (805): View more from California

  I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...

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