I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
