im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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