I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
