I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
