It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
