did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
