help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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