Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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