Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
