he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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