I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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