If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
