I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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