this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize