How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My day in three words: secret purse cake
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
