i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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