I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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