u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
