Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
