I'm laying in your front yard are you home
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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