I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
